Donkey Kong VS Knuckles
Donkey Kong VS Knuckles is the 51st episode of Death Battle, featuring Donkey Kong from the Super Mario Bros/Donkey Kong franchises and Knuckles the Echidna from the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise. Description They're guardians of treasure... punching powerhouses... and really, really dumb. Who wins in a battle to the death? Interlude Wiz: Guardians of treasure, champions of justice. Boomstick: And proof that if you've got enough brute strength, you don't need to be smart to kick some serious ass. Wiz: Donkey Kong, defender of the world's largest banana horde. Boomstick: And Knuckles the Echidna, guardian of the all-powerful Master Emerald. Wiz: We've already established that Mario and Sonic-related power-up's counter each other, for example, DK's Strong Kong could counter Hyper Knuckles, so for this fight, we'll be sticking to the bare essentials. Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick... Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle. Donkey Kong (cue DK 64: DK Isle Orchestral Remix) Wiz: Now this is the law of the jungle. As old and as true as the sky, the ones that shall keep it may prosper... Boomstick: But the ones who touch Donkey Kong's banana horde must die! See? I know literature. Well, the parts about killing, anyway. Wiz: Long ago, an illegal pet gorilla famously did battle with his abusive owner atop a construction site. Boomstick: The ape's name was Donkey Kong, and the conflict didn't go so well for him. Wiz: After escaping, he fled to a remote island with his son, also named Donkey Kong. His son would later bear a child destined to rule the island. This powerful ape was named... you guessed it, Donkey Kong... (cue The Map Page/Bonus Level - Super Smash Brothers Brawl) Boomstick: Being a gorilla, Donkey Kong naturally LOVES bananas. Wiz: No no no. Real gorillas primarily eat plants, like stems and bamboo shoots, and sometimes termites to fight diarrhea. Boomstick: Too much info, Wiz. Well, this gorilla loves bananas so much that he's hoarded hundreds for himself. And if someone tries to take away any of his delicious golden treasures, may God help them. Wiz: And yet, his enemies have been bold enough to steal his entire stockpile several times. Right out from under his nose. That's what happens when you hog every banana on the island to yourself, just basic supply and demand. Boomstick: Donkey Kong weighs 800 pounds and stands about eight feet tall. That's almost twice as big as a normal gorilla. He spends his afternoons as if he were a Florida native, by finding ways to kill crocodiles, such as crushing 'em with his sheer weight, chucking barrels at 'em like his old man, or just straight up punching 'em to death. (cue Irate Eight (Chase) - Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze) Wiz: The strength this ape wields is so tremendous, his very palms can shake the earth. And his trademark Giant Punch can send his victims flying beyond the horizon. Boomstick: But just because he's strong, doesn't mean he's slow. He can unleash a flurry of blows so fast, he ignites the hydrogen in the air, creating explosions! Wiz: This is similar to a meteor catching fire while falling through the atmosphere... at 25,000 miles per hour. Boomstick: I'm telling you, Wiz. It's only a matter of time before the apes take over. (Cues The DK Rap - Donkey Kong 64) Wiz: While common gorillas have impressed the scientific community by using basic tools, Donkey Kong is a little beyond that. Boomstick: Yeah! He's got a shotgun! Like, I know it looks like he's just carrying around a log, but no, seriously, it's a boomstick that Funky Kong somehow made out of a tree, that fires concussive homing coconuts! Wiz: It can fire in spurts and if he shoots ya, it's gonna hurt. At least, that's what the DK Rap tells us, but what it doesn't tell us is that the series of grunts you hear from the Kongs is actually them speaking their own language. Boomstick: Really? I wonder what he's saying... Donkey Kong: BANANA SLAMMA! Donkey Kong: BANANA SLAMMA! Donkey Kong: BANANA SLAMMA! Robo-DK: BANANA SLAMMA! Donkey Kong: BANANA SLAMMA! Donkey Kong: BANANA SLAMMA! Wiz: Mostly just that, sometimes he sings too. Donkey Kong: (singing) From uptop of the White Mountains, your glory rises high to the skyyyyyy...! Boomstick: What the hell?! Okay, I know I watched some of this show, but I do not remember there being any musical numbers, like, at all! Wiz: Oh, there were two in every episode, forty episodes in all, your brain likely shut down watching to protect your fragile consciousness. Donkey Kong: (singing) I'd shower you with coconut cream pies... Boomstick: Good one, brain, I owe you a beer. Wiz: Donkey Kong has done some ridiculous things. With a clap of his hands, he can create a shockwave strong enough to shatter meteors, also, I exaggerate nothing when I say he ate an entire plantation of bananas in a single afternoon. Boomstick: He's agile enough to dodge arrows on a narrow ledge, and tough enough to survive point blank explosions, multiple times! Wiz: But most impressively, after surviving an explosion that launched him into orbit, he used a fully charged Giant Punch to send a moon careening into the planet. Boomstick: He apparently expands his power by using both his bananas, and...his body hair, like a monkey Burt Reynolds. If he gets a haircut, though, he loses his power, and looks really weird. Wiz: Wow....I....wow...well, perhaps DK's cranial deformity is linked to his greatest weakness, you see, Donkey Kong is kind of an idiot. (Cues Super Smash Bros 64 - Kongo Jungle) Boomstick: We're talking about an ape who didn't realize he was following his own treasure map, until after he found the bananas it led to. Wiz: Or, while suffering from amnesia, a pirate crocodile was able to convince him that he was a crocodile, through song and dance. Donkey Kong joined in, singing about physical features he clearly does not possess. Boomstick: He's also just as lazy as he is stupid. One time, he and Diddy were making a killing selling frozen coconuts and could've had all the bananas they ever wanted, but the simple task of just cracking coconuts open all day was too strenuous for the big ape, so he sold the business for a couple measly bananas. Wiz: Bananas are the only motivator that seem to work on DK, but their also the only one he needs to bring out the big guns. Boomstick: If something separates him from his precious fruit stockpile, someone is going to die. King K. Rool: Nothing's stopping me this time! Donkey Kong: Not a doin', you're gonna stop, because that's what you do when you're faced with an irresistible force! (He punches K. Rool, sending him flying) Knuckles the Echidna (cue: Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric Main Theme) Wiz: 4000 years ago, the echidna race thrived due to their advanced technology and talent for warfare. Boomstick: Now that's what I call a pet!, I know what i'm picking up at the pet store on the way home! Wiz: Just a heads up, the males have four heads on their penises. Boomstick: What.....? AWESOME! Wiz: Desperate for the power to command the world, the Knuckles tribe staged a raid to obtain the legendary power of the Master Emerald. Boomstick: What they didn't know is that it was protected by a giant, murderous water dragon with tentacles named Chaos, and it just killed the shit out of them. Wiz: Miraculously, a young echidna girl survived, and managed to seal Chaos inside the Master Emerald. The resulting energy output ripped the echidnas' home into the sky to become Angel Island, perpetually floating so long as the emerald remained in it's shrine. Sonic lore everybody... Boomstick: Centuries later, one final descendant of the Knuckles clan remained and his name was.... Knuckles. (cue: Unknown from M.E. SA2 version) Boomstick: So, not the most creative parenting in the world but hey. Knuckles is the lone guardian of the Master Emerald, dedicating his entire life to protecting the family jewel. Ha! But he spends most of his days sleeping and doing nothing, because really, who's gonna fly up all the way up to a tiny, floating island to steal a rock? Wiz: Why the nefarious Dr. Eggman of course. As a ploy, Eggman convinced Knuckles that a certain blue hedgehog and a fox with two tails planned to steal the Master Emerald. Knuckles left to stop the thieves, and Eggman swiped the gem for himself. Boomstick: Not the sharpest head on the dick, is he? Wiz: Without its energy source, Angel Island plummeted out of the sky, until Sonic the Hedgehog literally beat the sense into Knuckles and together, they saved the day, forming a tense bromance. Rouge: Sounds like you've got an inferiority complex. Knuckles: Huh? I have a what? Rouge: Oh, nothing. Never mind Knuckles... Boomstick: Since then, Knux has continued to try to guard the emerald. However most people who try to steal it... do. But luckily for ol' rad red he can track the Master Emerald using his treasure hunting skills. Wiz: And his special bond with the gem, which allows him to detect its presence and harness some of its power. Which he can focus through the ancient martial art passed down through the Knuckles clan. Boomstick: The ancient art of "punch the crap out of everything!" No, really. That's the answer to every single problem Knuckles has. Something in the way? Punch it! Need to climb a cliff? Punch it! Falling down a trap? Punch it! Punching not working for some reason? You f***ing know he punches it more! (We see him punch through a wall) Rouge: Your taking this breaking and entering thing way too literally. (cue: Knuckles theme- Sonic and Knuckles) Wiz: Speaking of which, Knuckles can throw punches so extreme, they create explosions by igniting hydrogen in the air. Boomstick: Sounds familiar... Wiz: Knuckles is fast, capable of running at least 100 miles per hour. He can also take to the sky and glide. Reportedly by trapping air underneath his dreadlocks, although there's no logical way those locks are aerodynamic enough to keep him airborne. Boomstick: Hey it's better than a tanooki flying with it's nutsack. Then again he could just be twirling his di-''' (cue: Babylon Garden-Sonic Riders) Wiz: Annd with the spikes on his fists, Knuckles can effortlessly dig through dirt and rock, add on his attachable shovel claws and he can even tunnel through solid metal. '''Boomstick: With arms that stringy, it makes you wonder where all this strength comes from. Wiz: Well, his connection with the Master Emerald is responsible for much of his more absurd attributes, like gliding and punching explosions. Boomstick: Knux can shatter boulders, dodge machine guns, ride atop flying jets and missiles like skateboards, oh, and he can breathe in space. Wiz: He's matched and even trumped Sonic in battle, runs fast enough to cut holes in the ground, is strong enough to uproot massive trees.... (We see him throw a huge robot) Boomstick: Hell, he's strong enough to throw this! Wiz: With a single punch, he can trigger a volcanic eruption. Doing so requires displacing pressure in a volcano's magma chamber, at minimum, this can sit around 3,280 ft or 1 kilometer below the Earth's surface. Knuckles had to have punched the ground with at least 3.9 megatons of force, over three times more powerful then the highest yield bomb in the US nuclear stockpile. (cue: Unknown from M.E. SA1 version) Boomstick: That's cute, how about the time he punched the moon? One day, Eggman blew up half the moon, and rebuilt it into a robot moon, because, well, he gets off on that shit. Wiz: Via remote control, Eggman actually changed the moon's orbit to create a never ending eclipse. Boomstick: But never fear, Knuckles just dove out into outer space and punched the remote control into dust, causing an explosion visible from Earth. Wiz: And returning the moon to its normal orbit. Boomstick: But having these abilities isn't enough to let him win every time, especially when his biggest obstacle is his own brain. Wiz: Knuckles is illiterate, doesn't know left from right, and one time, didn't realize until too late that he was eating a napkin. Boomstick: Hey, give credit where its due, Wiz, when he did figure it out, he stuck to his guns and finished every bite of that damn napkin. Its dinner and clean up at the same time! Wiz: He hardly ever strategizes before combat, preferring to run in swinging. Boomstick: Hey, whatever works. Wiz: It doesn't, well, not all the time, and despite being mortal enemies, Dr. Eggman has duped Knuckles into allying with him on multiple occasions. It's happened so often by now, you have to wonder who's side he's really on. Boomstick: Hey, his fists can blow the top off a volcano, so why waste precious time on things like reasoning? Amy: What a dreamboat! (Both her and Sticks hug Knuckles) Sonic: I wanna be just like you when I grow up. Tails: Knuckles, you've been elected governer! Knuckles: All in a day's work. (Knuckles flies into orbit heroically) Sonic: (in reality) Hey, that's not how it... Knuckles: Shh! Death Battle (Cues: Guilty Gear Xrd - Django Django) Knuckles is seen gliding around DK Island when his stomach starts growling. He sees Donkey Kong's banana hoard and flies down towards it. He picks up one of the bananas and starts eating it but it turns out DK is right behind him watching. He notices DK's angry face but finishes it anyways. DK knocks out the rest of the bananas and angrily roars while pounding his chest. FIGHT! (Cues: DBZ Budokai 3 - Impulse to Victory) Donkey Kong tries pounding and slapping Knuckles but Knuckles dodges every swing. He tries pouncing on him but Knuckles simply walks out of it as DK was hurting himself. Knuckles delivers a combo and sends DK towards a tree while laughing. DK gets an idea when a coconut falls out of it. Knuckles is then hit by a coconut. Knuckles: Oh no! (Note, he says this a lot whenever he gets hit so you get the picture whenever it says he's hit) DK swings on a vine while shooting Knuckles with his coconut gun but Knuckles evades all the coconuts. Knuckles: All right! However, the coconuts come back one hits Knuckles and DK punches Knuckles into the air before the other coconuts hit him, but Knuckles comes back down and delivers a combo towards him before getting hit with another coconut. He then gets hit with multiple and punches them all back to hit DK. Knuckles then starts running off, but DK emerges from a bush and headbutts Knuckles into the ground allowing him to get hit with two more coconuts. DK winds up his giant punch, and delivers it, but find that Knuckles has dug into the ground. He scratches his head on where his opponent went, but Knuckles comes out a different entrance and punches DK in the back of the head. (Cues: Jungle Level Ver 2 - Super Smash Bros Brawl) He then continues digging and popping out of the ground for multiple surprise attacks on DK. DK then starts slamming the ground which disrupts Knuckles' paths. Knuckles then digs back to the surface and runs around DK enough times to send him falling into the ground. Knuckles: Hmph, not as strong as you thought you were! Knuckles then gets hit with a coconut and falls in as well. DK lands on a minecart that starts moving and Knuckles glides towards it. They trade blows before Knuckles hops into the minecart as they start to reach a dead end. They both start hugging and screaming. Knuckles grabs onto the nearby wall with DK still holding onto him. He tries punching his fists in to stay on it but DK's grip is too strong. DK tries slapping him as Knuckles tries hydrogen punching into the wall, but it starts sending the both of them down. As they fall DK lets go of Knuckles before clapping Knuckles between his hands so hard that a large spurt of blood comes from it. A large crater is formed on the island. On a nearby mountain, Knuckles' arms come out of the ground, but it turns out they were severed from his body as the clap DK did on him killed him. DK tosses the arms aside and starts pounding his chest and roaring in victory. KO! DK starts rebuilding his banana pile as Knuckles' severed arms are hit with another coconut. Results (cue the instrumental theme song of the Donkey Kong Country cartoon) Wiz: Knuckles may have had the edge in speed and agility, but his stubborn strategy of rushing in only played in Donkey Kong's favor by keeping close and in range. Boomstick: Both were tough enough to survive atmospheric re-entry and the vacuum of space, but only Donkey Kong has survived an explosion strong enough to launch him into orbit in the first place. Wiz: Knuckles and DK may have punched moons but both feats are not precisely what they seem. The moon Donkey Kong punched belongs to the Mario universe, and is clearly smaller than our own moon, by comparing the size to that of Donkey Kong Island, we found this moon is approximately 2775 feet in diameter and weighs 9.9 quadrillion tons. Knocking out of orbit means DK punched it with a strike of over 3000 megatons of force. Boomstick: So not quite as impressive as punching our real moon, but hey, still way better than what Knuckles can do. Knuckles only destroyed a receiver controlling the moon's flight path. Wiz: And although the moon's orbit changed afterwards it's unreasonable to say Knuckles is responsible. He has no other feats supporting this outlier and the moon was previously established to move itself due to being... part robot now... Sonic lore. Boomstick: Knuckles' speed wasn't enough when DK was just that much stronger and tough enough to take anything thrown at him. DK just wasn't echdna-ing around. Wiz: The winner is Donkey Kong. Trivia *This is the ninth time in the series that a Death Battle episode features one opponent (in this case, Knuckles the Echidna) and then leaves the public to guess who the mysterious opponent is (In this case, Donkey Kong) the first nine were Luke Skywalker VS Harry Potter, Master Chief VS Doomguy, Link VS Cloud Strife, Batman VS Spiderman, Fulgore VS Sektor, Godzilla VS Gamera, Solid Snake VS Sam Fisher and Darth Vader VS Doctor Doom. *This is the fourteenth Death Battle where the opponents are rivals. The last twelve were Haggar VS Zangief, Zitz VS Leonardo, Mario VS Sonic, Chun-Li VS Mai Shiranui, Link VS Cloud, Goku VS Superman, Terminator VS RoboCop, Luigi VS Tails, Godzilla VS Gamera, Ryu VS Scorpion, Deadpool VS Deathstroke, Ragna VS Sol Badguy and Solid Snake VS Sam Fisher. **This does not include Goku VS Superman 2 since that was a rematch between Goku and Superman. *Donkey Kong VS Knuckles is the third Super Mario vs Sonic the Hedgehog (And also the third Nintendo vs Sega) themed battle. The first two were Mario VS Sonic and Luigi VS Tails. **This the first time a Mario character beats the Sonic character. *Boomstick talking about apes taking over during Donkey Kong's analysis would likely be a reference to Planet of the Apes. *Everytime Knuckles gets hit in the battle, he says "Oh no". This is actually a sound file taken directly from Sonic Adventure, the only file that plays when Knuckles is hit. It has achieved memetic status among the Internet due to the Knuckles boss fight and how easy it was to hurt Knuckles, making the sound file play frequently in the short battle. **Recurring Joke: The "Oh no" sound is played every time Knuckles gets hit by a coconut ammunition. Category:Death battles Category:Season 2 episodes Category:'Nintendo vs Sega' themed Death Battles Category:'Super Mario vs Sonic the Hedgehog' themed Death Battles Category:'Rivalry' themed Death Battles Category:'Animals' themed Death Battles Category:Death Battles with a mysterious second combatant Category:Fights animated by Zack